Didn't Jesus Say To Love?

Jesus taught his followers to love as he loved. I think for me is it easy to immediately jump to what he did on the cross as the expression of love that he gave us. And it is. It is the ultimate expression of love -- Greater love hath no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. However, what about his other acts of love -- the way he interacted with people and the deeds he did for them.

I have just finished reading an intriguing book entitled, "Leadership and Self-Deception" by The Arbinger Institute. I confess I know nothing about these people, but I could not put the book down. It is a real life expression of what Jesus meant when he called his followers to love one another as he has love us. Here are a few highlights...

Self-deception is living in "The Box." Being "IN THE BOX", I see myself and others in a systematic distorted way -- others are mere objects. The goal, therefore, is to live as much as possible "outside the box" where I see myself and others more or less as we are -- as People.

The way we get into the box is by "Self-betrayal."

1) An act contrary to what I feel I should do for another is called an act of self-betrayal.
2) When I betray myself, I begin to see the world in a way that justifies my self-betrayal.
3) When I see a self-justifying world, my view of reality becomes distorted.
4) So -- when I betray myself, I enter the box.

When I enter the box, I become self-deceived and inflate others' faults, inflate my own virtue, inflate the value of things which justify my self-betrayal, and I blame!

5) Overtime, certain boxes become characteristics of me, and I carry them with me.
6) By being in the box, I provoke others to be in the box.
7) In the box, we invite mutual mistreatment and obtain mutual justification. We collude in giving each other reason to stay in the box.

What doesn't work in the box...

1) Trying to change others.
2) Doing my best to "cope" with others.
3) Leaving
4) Communicating
5) Implementing new skills or techniques
6) Changing my behavior

The way out of the box..... "It happens all the time in our lives -- usually on very small matters that are quickly forgotten. All of a sudden, because of the basic 'otherness' of the people who continually stand before us, and because of what we know as we stand out of the box in relation to other people, our box is penetrated by the humanity of others. We know in that moment what we need to do -- we need to honor them as people. And in that moment -- the moment I see another as a person, with needs, hopes, and worries as real and legitimate as my own -- I am out of the box."

O.K. I have done no justice to this book!! It is a narrative story which brings out these points, and it is one of the best examples of how we get entrapped by our sin and self-centeredness and get stuck in the box -- even as Christians. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, kindness, faithfulness, and self-control. But WHERE are these qualities in our relationships with others?? We need to learn to live outside of the box!